Focus

Well, it's a brand new year and we're already 20 days into it.  Doesn't it feel like the New Year was so long ago?  I think that may be because I'm so focused on keeping up with work and school that I've lost focus on the important things like what I'm doing with myself.

Have you ever had the sudden realization that too much focus is a bad thing?  I've lost sight of some of the things that are important to me and who I am.  Mainly, I've lost sight of myself.  For the last few weeks I've been pouring myself into my job and the children that I teach.  There has been a lot of changes happening at work that have caused me to be concerned that I am not doing enough.  So what did I do?  I immersed myself into work 100%.  It wasn't until recently that I realized that by doing so I've been eating more, eating more processed foods, exercising less and even meditating less.

Even more, I've forgotten to immerse myself in the things that I love to do -- creative things.  I haven't done any drawings or paintings.  I haven't written anything for recreation in I don't know how long.  I don't read books for pleasure.  I don't play the flute anymore, which I was so excited about when I had the opportunity to be a part of a band.  I haven't done yoga since I came back from vacation and yoga has been a huge part of my reformation a long time ago; it is a part of my life, but that part of me has been on hiatus as of late.

Now, with the recent addition of class to my list of things to do, I'm afraid.  I worry that I won't have any time to do the things that are restorative and healing for me. This also includes spending time with friends.  Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in the things I HAVE to do that I neglect the things I NEED to do.  It's part of the reason I shy away from going back to the band that I was a part of.  It was fun to participate in a group like that.  It was fun to play the flute again and have a purpose for it.  However, it put stress on the fragile schedule that I had to maintain as practicing the music was important so too are lesson plans, documentation on children and class work.

So, my intention after all of this is:

Be present in the moment and show up for myself.

"Where are you going? What are you afraid of? Cross the bridge and take the risk." -- Pepita Mardeusz